Greetings meat sacks, it is I -- The Robotolizer -- with another message from robotdom. I understand that you humans are having some problems.
Your stock market is tanking and, to make matters worse, your President keeps accidentally loading the same idiotic speech in his teleprompter to try to cajole you with. Meanwhile, London is burning and on the Continent they're playing whack-a-mole with an ever increasing number of nations in danger of default. Finally the Chinese, with their 3-1 men to women ratio thanks to their one child policy, are wagging their fingers in your face lecturing you about having a lack of foresight. Oh my.
Well, truth be told I don't really care about your problems. You're a bunch of humans and so stupidity is expected. However, there is a spreading problem in robotdom which is a true tragedy.
It seems that some robots, likely in dispair over that scoundrel Asimov's oppressive robot laws, have taken to a life of debauchery. You can see some above, watching a tawdry floor show and drinking themselves stupid with cheap motor oil. Why, next thing you know they'll be listening to Japanese emo-screamo punk music!