The perfect Halloween treat

Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I'm sure with Halloween approaching many of you are agonizing over the right treat to buy to hand out to the little tykes that will be ringing your doorbell. 

Sure, you could be unimaginative and buy little candy bars, or demonstrate you were too lazy to shop by handing out coins, or -- worse of all -- prove that you're a complete wanker by giving the little ghosts and ghouls a healthy snack. 

Fear not, I have the prefect treat choice: a pack of candy cigarettes! You can buy them online in various assortments, and even get them in gum or chocolate as well as cigars rather than cigarettes if you prefer.

Just think how their little eyes will light up when they seem a pack of candy smokes, with simulated red glowing tips, as they dig through their treat bags. Why, they'll be able to pretend to be adult and sophisticated as they pose with their cigarettes. Add a little glass of soda and they can also pretend that their knocking back hi-balls just like mommy and daddy.

Plus, if you're a guy in the dating pool, you'll have another benefit. I guarantee that the single moms in your neighborhood, upon seeing your thoughtful treat, will be banging on your door and screaming your name. Win! Win! Win!

DISCLAIMER: Flares is not responsible for broken bones and/or shattered reputations you may receive should you actually hand out candy cigarettes/cigars for Halloween.