Important information for men seeking to attract a mate

Thursday, December 22, 2005
According to this, men who dance well are more attractive to women. This is bad news for those of you who, like me, present a very real and potentially lethal danger to others when we're on the floor, for whom "cutting a rug" is likely to be perceived by others as "stomping a toe", "throwing an elbow", or, in the worse case, "simple assault".

The takeaway for all of you (and you know who you are) is this: DON'T DANCE! Not only will it quite possibly land you in jail (which you knew already), there is now scientific proof that it will cost you any chance you might have had with any women who happen to be in the room, even the ones you don't physically harm.

We now return to our regularly scheduled blogging.

34 comments:

David Thomson said...

Now I find out! Why wasn't this information available years ago. I have wasted my entire life.

MeaninglessHotAir said...

David,

You should have listened to Archie Goodwin.

Buddy Larsen said...

I was fine with dancing if the lady wanted to--until the damn video camera and somebody's wedding one time long ago. Remember the death scene of the robot "Ash" in "Alien"?

Peter UK said...

Dance? What is going on, have they closed the bar?

Syl said...

Heh

There is truth to this.

vnjagvet said...

Thank heaven I have already attracted my only mate.

My mom made a good investment when she sent me to Mr. Uhl's dancing school. The waltz, foxtrot, Lindy Hop, white gloves -- all very polite and sedate.

Rug cutting, indeed.

Peter UK said...

“Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.”

George Bernard Shaw

chuck said...

“Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.” -- GBS

Yeah. And his point was?

Peter UK said...

Well George also said "We sing in a church, why can we not dance there?", so perhaps he was leading up to something.

Knucklehead said...

Thank goodness my one and only mate has an appreciation for the humor in absurdity. Women also like men who make them laugh. I danced, she laughed, we mated. Somehow it ain't so funny no more. ;)

gumshoe1 said...

don't move yo lips,
just shake yo hips.

Knucklehead said...

Others have been made fools of by the girls, but this can never with truth be said of me. I most emphatically, in this instance, made a fool of myself.

Whatever woman may cast her lot with mine, should any ever do so, it is my intention to do all in my power to make her happy and contented; and there is nothing I can imagine that would make me more unhappy than to fail in the effort.

I want in all cases to do right, and most particularly so in all cases with women.

- Abraham Lincoln

Peter UK said...

Did Lincoln decide that being President was a less ambitious project?

Buddy Larsen said...

The Lincolns, Mr. & Mrs., had no easy time of it. The war, of course, with the unrelenting and enormous casualties, and losing to illness their 10 year-old much, much beloved son at the very nadir of that war, a tremendous, continual, almost barbaric political oppo (besides the fellow Americans across the river under a different flag), and the fact that both Mr. and Mrs. suffered from what we now call clinical depression and in the case of Mrs., a very acute case, with complications. Then of course the sad event at Ford's Theater. No triumphal Caesar he.

Knucklehead said...

I put up those Lincoln quotes re: women just for the heck of it. Buddy provided a succinct and, to my knowledge, accurate summary of Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln's relationship.

Had Abe lived beyond his presidency it would have been interesting to know how he felt, in review, about his performance against the second and third. In Abe's defense, however, we must always keep in mind the Sisyphean nature of the task of keeping, over the long haul, any female of our species "happy and contented".

Buddy Larsen said...

well, from personal experience, if you mate up with a complex, artistic, temperamental, conflicted person, on the assumption that love conquers all and besides watching her sort herself out will be fascinating--uh--well, let's just say, that might not work out quite the way you had forecast (ouch x ~).

OTOH (ht InstaP) lotsa folks got problems! \:-(

Peter UK said...

Knucklehead,
"Sisyphean nature of the task of keeping, over the long haul, any female of our species "happy and contented".

That's why shopping was invented.

Knucklehead said...

PeterUK,

I must have missed the invention of "sufficient funds" ;)

Peter UK said...

Knucklehead,
When we are young, we spend all our time pretending we can dance and have lots of money,we wear a Tshirt that says "Live Wild and Die Young" never one saying "Two left feet and Broke".

Buddy Larsen said...

"Two broke feet, and Left"

Knucklehead said...

Peter,

I musta been an unusual yute. I knew painfully well I had two left feet and no money. I knew I couldn't dance worth diddley. I tried to get by on good looks and charm!

Peter UK said...

Knucklehead,
"I tried to get by on good looks and charm!"
Good ploy, bit hard to keep up in the long run!

Buddy Larsen said...

Ah, I used to have so many gals beating on my door, I'd have to get up and let 'em out.

Syl said...

LOL you guys!

Knuck is right about humor though. My guy hasn't seen his knees since he was 13! But oh, he can make me laugh.

RogerA said...

Morgan: I have to tell you that I learned along time ago that dancing is the BEST way into a lady's heart (if not her bed)--and its so easy! I mean two step: slow slow quick quick slow (and repeat)--Rumba (and tango): side together forward, side together back
I mean whats hard about this?

:D

Buddy Larsen said...

It's the shower of Mace from the other dancers that bothers me.

Peter UK said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Peter UK said...

Buddy,
A dancer of my acquaintance,told me,many years ago,that the secret is never lift your feet off the dance floor and don't wave your arms about.You are not there to look good,you are there to make her look good.
She in turn just wants to see if all your limbs work and that you are trainable.

Buddy Larsen said...

har--killer post, Peter. Coulda been more timely--but I guess the net wasn't around when I really needed the advice. Pony Express was, tho.

Peter UK said...

Buddy,
Apparently,the Juanita Pobsworthy Academy for Terpsichorean Decorum kept sending out instructions, but the riders kept getting shot.Personally I put the blame squarely hardcore barn dancing.

Buddy Larsen said...

...I agree--and if it hadn't been for all them corn-likker distillers, there wouldn't a been so many hardcore barns dancing.

Peter UK said...

So that's what you mean by raising a barn!

Buddy Larsen said...

I'm never as think as people drunk I am.

Peter UK said...

Sssssshhhuure....!!!!!!!!!!!!