A Little Test

Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Floated in on email today....
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What's your political party, Democrat, Republican, or Southerner?

This test will help you decide.

Imagine: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the
corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

DEMOCRAT:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.


REPUBLICAN:
BANG!


SOUTHERNER:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
( click.....sounds of reloading ).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy!
Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?

Son: Git-r-Dun, Pop! Can I shoot the next one!

Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

11 comments:

Skookumchuk said...

You may want a new Smith & Wesson M&P if only because it's ambidextrous and made here in Murrica.

I guess I'm a Republican to Southerner (in spirit, anyway) while my wife is a mild Republican. Here reponse would be:

bang.

Still, there is hope. I almost have her convinced that a trip to the range is a good idea. I have this feeling that once she gets over her hesitation, we will be looking at the next Annie Oakley. Fine by me.

(Can't start talking about girls with guns, now. Just because Dillon Precision has that nice catalog.)

On a more elevated plane, one consonant with the tenor of our typical conversations here on this blog, have you seen the cover of the latest Weekly Standard? T.S. Eliot is walking on the beach. With his trousers rolled. Peach in hand.

They are what New Yorker covers were in the 1950's.

See? Isn't that more edifying than this?

Rick Ballard said...

I'll give Aero a little edge over Precision - but I'd really have to see all 12 months of both to be sure. Who makes the Peach? Revolver or automatic?

Cappy said...

I'm Wet With Compassion
How could you ask such a question? Only those with respect for third world cultures should be allowed to answer questions like this?

OK. Now how do I get the sarcasm tag off? Of cours the answer is bang. Maybe bang bang. No use wasting a lot of ammunition if you can shoot him dead with one or two shots.

Skookumchuk said...

Can't get you peach, Rick. But Hans Vang would gladly make you something in pink.

Skookumchuk said...

Hans would make you a great birthday gift for that special gal. Or you could get her one of these.

See how the Girls and Guns thing just keeps creeping back?

jd watson said...

As a conservative libertarian, my answer is:
bang, bang, pause, bang
i.e., a double-tap to the chest, pause to let the target stop, and then one to the head (what experienced African fighters call a mozambique). Then start the next iteration of my OODA loop. No sense in wasting ammunition, endangering bystanders, and besides he might have some nasty friends around.

Syl said...

Okay. I hate guns, I'm afraid of them personally, but I absolutely believe in the right to have them. I'm a bit late to that position and my eye is going bad so a gun I'll never have.

So my answer to the little quiz is:

I never walk down the street without a Southerner at my side!

Shoot, Bubba! Shoot!

Buddy Larsen said...

"Mommy, do you miss Daddy?"

"Yes, dear, but then I reload."

Seneca the Younger said...

As a conservative libertarian, my answer is:
bang, bang, pause, bang
i.e., a double-tap to the chest, pause to let the target stop, and then one to the head (what experienced African fighters call a mozambique). Then start the next iteration of my OODA loop.


Hear, hear.

vnjagvet said...

jd:

Colonel Boyd would be proud!!!

Knucklehead said...

Speaking of Bubba and stuff that wanders around the internet...

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a spectacular gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. As if his prayers were answered, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The Annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was this most beautiful woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he said. "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"It's Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba!"