The Uniform Catastrophe of Global Warming

Friday, March 16, 2007
Probably the most disconcerting (that is, "suspicious") thing about the conclusions of global warming researchers is that they are uniformly catastrophic. Apparently the global temperature around 1880 represented not only the best of all possible worlds, but a world so wonderful that increasing temperatures would make everything worse - it will rain more where we don't need it, and less where we do; pathogen carrying insects will expand their range, but insect eating species will die off, and people will never figure out that moving inland or northward gets them away from rising seas and excessive heat.

Today we hear that global warming destroyed $5 billion in crops between 1981 and 2002, which is a relative pittance at less than $250 million a year, but you can be sure things will get worse and worse until they justify Kyoto.

It's a shame that warming won't do a thing to prevent damage to citrus crops due to freezes, like the the $6.2 billion to Florida's citrus crop from 1983 to 1985 , or the $1.2 billion in California last month . But that's the way it goes. When you're living in utopia, things can only get worse.

Now, please, repeat after me:

Fish like it cold
Trees like it cold
Birds like it cold
Bees like it cold
You like it cold
He likes it cold
Snow loving ice loving
We like it cold

Even dogs like it cold!
That's why we're sold (that)
Gaia oh Gaia Oh!
She likes it cold!

Environuts, feel free to use that at your next drum circle.