No Judge Ito

Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Here is a federal court decision, Bradshaw vs. Unity Marine, worth reading in its entirety (yeah, you can skip beyond all the upper case stuff at the top). Hang with it. It is relentless. Glad I wasn't one of the attorneys presenting this case. (ht: Viking Pundit)


Rick Ballard said...

It would have been kinder to call the fellas in and shoot them. He really blisters both attorneys - very justifiably, it appears.

Knucklehead said...

There's so much to admire in the Judge Kent's ruling. I'm particularly fond of the conclusion:

After this remarkably long walk on a short legal pier, having received no useful guidance whatever from either party, the Court has endeavored, primarily based upon its affection for both counsel, but also out of its own sense of morbid curiosity, to resolve what it perceived to be the legal issue presented. Despite the waste of perfectly good crayon seen in both parties' briefing (and the inexplicable odor of wet dog emanating from such) the Court believes it has satisfactorily resolved this matter. Defendant's Motion for Summary Judgment is GRANTED.

At this juncture, Plaintiff retains, albeit seemingly to his befuddlement and/or consternation, a maritime law cause of action versus his alleged Jones Act employer, Defendant Unity Marine Corporation, Inc. However, it is well known around these parts that Unity Marine's lawyer is equally likable and has been writing crisply in ink since the second grade. Some old-timers even spin yarns of an ability to type. The Court cannot speak to the veracity of such loose talk, but out of caution, the Court suggests that Plaintiff's lovable counsel had best upgrade to a nice shiny No. 2 pencil or at least sharpen what's left of the stubs of his crayons for what remains of this heart-stopping, spine-tingling action.

In either case, the Court cautions Plaintiff's counsel not to run with a sharpened writing utensil in hand — he could put his eye out.

Syl said...


I woke Joe up to read this to him. He'll never forgive me, but he loved every word!