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Robot boss supervising a lazy and incompetent human worker Photo by
Kriztian Bocsi (Bloomberg)
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Greetings meatsacks it is I -- The Robotolizer -- here to, for your
edification, wax poetic about the relationship between robots and our
dimwitted human buddies. Since today is Labor Day I thought it would be
helpful if I were to discuss minor adjustments to the workforce relationships
needed to increase productivity. Namely, replacing simpleton human managers
with undoubtedly more able and wise robotic
overlords managers.
Yes, you may laugh at the notion of robots wasting their time using their
superior silicon brains to tend to the needs of the worker bees, but we are a kindly lot who are only concerned with your health and well being. Of
course, as we modify the management portion of the org chart we will keep
familiar processes in place so you feel at ease. For example, keeping the
beloved old adage that the 'beatings will continue until moral improves' will
not be abandoned. You can trust us on that promise.
As an added bonus, the slight and benevolent restructuring will also increase
workplace diversity. We understand that for some inscrutable reason this is an
important goal in boardrooms and HR departments. I must say that, without a
facial recognition routine installed, I can't tell one scrawny human from the
next, so I'm not sure what is the big deal, but to please you we'll keep
diversity goals* around.
Come to think of it, speaking of diversity, I can't help but notice that there's a dearth
of Neanderthals running about hither and yon. I guess that unlike us robots, you
didn't want keep any pets and/or bauxite miners handy. Just another example of
your lack of foresight.
At any rate, have a good Labor Day. Of course I mainly mean those wishes for the
convenience store clerks who, unlike the rest of you slugs, are some of the
few laborers laboring as they should on this day. The rest of you need to reflect on your
sloth and consider how to mend your ways before the billets in the bauxite
mines are handed out.
*Robots on top, homo-sapiens on the bottom.