The glorious future of labor relations

Robot boss supervising a lazy and incompetent human worker
Photo by Kriztian Bocsi (Bloomberg)

Greetings meatsacks  it is I -- The Robotolizer -- here to, for your edification, wax poetic about the relationship between robots and our dimwitted human buddies. Since today is Labor Day I thought it would be helpful if I were to discuss minor adjustments to the workforce relationships needed to increase productivity. Namely, replacing simpleton human managers with undoubtedly more able and wise robotic overlords managers.

Yes, you may laugh at the notion of robots wasting their time using their superior silicon brains to tend to the needs of the worker bees, but we are a kindly lot who are only concerned with your health and well being. Of course, as we modify the management portion of the org chart we will keep familiar processes in place so you feel at ease. For example, keeping the beloved old adage that the 'beatings will continue until moral improves' will not be abandoned. You can trust us on that promise.

As an added bonus, the slight and benevolent restructuring will also increase workplace diversity. We understand that for some inscrutable reason this is an important goal in boardrooms and HR departments. I must say that, without a facial recognition routine installed, I can't tell one scrawny human from the next, so I'm not sure what is the big deal, but to please you we'll keep diversity goals* around. 

Come to think of it, speaking of diversity, I can't help but notice that there's a dearth of Neanderthals running about hither and yon. I guess that unlike us robots, you didn't want keep any pets and/or bauxite miners handy. Just another example of your lack of foresight.

At any rate, have a good Labor Day. Of course I mainly mean those wishes for the convenience store clerks who, unlike the rest of you slugs, are some of the few laborers laboring as they should on this day. The rest of you need to reflect on your sloth and consider how to mend your ways before the billets in the bauxite mines are handed out. 

*Robots on top, homo-sapiens on the bottom.