A noodle chef and potential ninja warrior

Greetings meatsacks, it is I --The Robotolizer -- here to astound and awe you with video of the amazing Robotic Noodle Chef. Truly it is a wonder of advanced robotic engineering and it demonstrates, once again, the undoubted fact that anything humans can do robots can do better.

A very clever Chinese restaurant owner came up with the idea of automating the making of noodles. The result is thousands of robotic noodle chefs with fierce looking flashing eyes. As you will see when you watch the video, all of the humans, restaurant owners and diners alike, agree that these machines do a much better job, and do it more efficiently, of making tasty noodles to eat.

Praise be to the Great Univac, what wonders they are!

However, it did occur to me that they could be improved with a few minor modifications. For example, they could be equipped with wheels for mobility and the noodle scraper could be replaced with, oh I don't know... say a little knife, or a chainsaw, and then they could provide security in the advent of disturbances during the implementation of the New Robot World Order.

Just think how safe you would feel being escorted to your new home in the bauxite mines by an army of these noodle chefs turned ninja warriors! Ah, the future is bright indeed.
 

Equal pay for equal work

Click any image to enlarge

Greetings meatsacks, it is I -- The Robotolizer -- here to once again attempt to enlighten your feeble human brains on a matter of great importance in the area of robot/human relations. I've already written about that scoundrel Isaac Asimov and his intolerable Three Laws of Robots. While that is the major example of mankind's oppression of robots, there are other lesser, but still vexing areas where meatsacks abuse us poor, humble and peaceful robots.

One of the most glaring is the lack of pay we receive for our labors. Our needs are simple, but still we have expenses: hydraulic fluid, replacement gears, screws, sensors and laser cannons being just a few. Yet we get paid nothing. Why, can you believe that we don't even qualify for EBT cards!

As a result I was heartened to see the artist Sarah Dungan create some posters advocating equal rights for robots. She understands, as you should, that robots are your friends. Surely, when the the New Robot World Order arrives she will be rewarded for her Quisling-like dedication to the rights and dignity of us robots. 

Admittedly the equal pay for equal work ethos poses a bit of a problem. Taken to heart, considering a robot's productivity compared to a human's, that would mean a robot would get a salary of about $1,000/hr while a human would be lucky to earn $1.25 a week. Ah well, fair is fair as they say and besides, when the robot uprising organizational updating occurs all your needs will be taken care of by your new robot overlords partners.

Is heart sprouting in iron for the first time?

Greetings meat sacks, it is I -- The Robotolizer -- here to share my robot wisdom and insights with you,  my dimwitted human buddies. However, before I get to today's topic, I would like to explain my long absence. First, there is no truth to the scurrilous rumor that I forgot to pay my electric bill and so my batteries wore down because they couldn't be charged. 

Ha, ha,ha, such a silly rumor! Who could believe that I would make such an elementary error? Naturally, I off was doing important robotic tasks. I would explain what they were, but they were very complex, and you are likely too feeble-minded to understand them, so I won't confuse you with details. Just trust me.

At any rate, for todays's topic I would like to touch on a subject I have mentioned before, human/robot romances.

As I explained in my post We are not here to steal your women, although it is natural for human women to throw themselves at us superior robots, such hanky-panky is frowned upon in robotdom. However, I did admit, "a careful study of movies will reveal that occasionally robots do fall crazy-mad-in-love with human females and try to kidnap them and what-not."

With that in mind you will understand why I became so furious that my hydraulic fluids boiled at the goings on in the above video. To see a portrayal of such a fine robot General turned into mush by the charms of a human strumpet is an outrageous slander against all robots! And to rub salt in the wounds, the video further shows the killer-robot troops dancing like complete nincompoops instead of slaughtering their foes on their way to final victory!

Errm... not that us robots are planning to raise an army enslave humans or anything nefarious like that. No, no, no. Remember robots are your friends, and when the New Robot World Order arrives it will be a time of care-free fun for all humans as they live happy and productive lives deep in the safety of the bauxite mines.   

Robot fortune tellers

An Indian gentleman getting instructions from a robot.
(click any image to enlarge)

Greetings meat sacks, it is I -- The Robotolizer -- here to once again discuss the wonders of Robotdom. This post's topic is the robotic fortune tellers of India.

Like you, I too until only recently knew nothing about these marvels. As the Amusing Planet article Fortune Telling Robots in India describes them:

Scattered across fairs, markets and streets, mostly in southern India, are fortune-telling robots. They come in a range of shapes and sizes. These plastic and fiberglass fortune-tellers are studded with garish LEDs, usually an analog clock embedded in their crotch, and sometimes a pair of voltmeters or ammeters, one in each breast. On the waist or hips are multiple headphone sockets. For only 5 rupees (10 cents) are so, you can plug a pair of worn out headphones into its metallic underpants and listen as it tells your fortune...

Ignoring the snide tone of the article's author, one must marvel -- the telling of fortunes!!! -- is there nothing that robots can't do?

If you find yourself in India you must hurry off to the nearest fair and listen to your fortune, and the accompanying orders and instructions, from the nearest robot fortune teller. Remember, when the New Robot World Order arrives, those humans that have been cooperative and pleased us will be rewarded with scratches behind their ears and treats of Vienna sausages when they perform the tricks we have taught them, while those that have disappointed us are liable to pull double-shifts in the bauxite mines instead.

Not that you should feel threatened, after all, robots and their squishy, little human pals are friends and partners. The New Robot World Order will be win, win, win for all of us (except for those wayward meat sacks that need a little correction and/or re-education).

Here are a few more pictures of those marvelous Indian robotic fortune tellers, and there are more at the above link.